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The Final Goodbye to the Woman I Once Was.

Under last night’s full moon I burned a decade worth of journals and I said my final goodbye to the woman I once was. 

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by Emily Atkinson in BECOME, MOON + MENSTRUATION, RELEASE
October 14, 2019 0 comments

Under last night’s full moon I burned a decade worth of journals and I said my final goodbye to the woman I once was. 

Journaling has been one of my greatest healing tools for the last decade and I’ve kept every journal. 

As the stack of journals grew I would move them from place to place in my home. When the stack outgrew my bookshelf, I started storing them in the closet. When they outgrew the closet I started keeping them in a pile next to my nightstand.

Everyday, there the journals were.  Sitting there. Out in the open. Collecting dust. Anchoring me to my past. 

But I couldn’t let them go. 

When I dove into why I couldn’t let them go, it was clear: energetically there was a part of me which I didn’t want to let go. And the journals were the tie to the woman I once was. 

Maybe if a piece of her still existed, then I wouldn’t have to step fully into the woman I am becoming. 

For months I’ve been thinking about doing a full moon ritual and burning the journals. Each month the full moon would come and it never felt like the right time. 

Until yesterday. Yesterday it was time to let her go. It was time to release the pages of my past. 

For hours I sat by the fire and ripped page by page out of every journal and watched the pages of my past burn. 

I comforted the part of me that was wounded by past heartbreaks. 

I met my destructive self with compassion and forgiveness. 

I mourned past lovers, friends and ideas that never came to be. 

I celebrated moments of success and failure.

I sent love to all my guides, teachers and healers. 

During the burn I journeyed through many emotions – grief, anger, sadness, disappointment, love, joy, and many more. 

By the end I felt a sense of awe and gratitude.

When I began my journey I didn’t have a clear destination. I had no idea of the path before me. All I knew was the life I was living wasn’t the life I was meant to live. 

And so a decade ago I set out to become this woman. The woman I am today. Every single moment on the pages of my past have led me to this moment. To being this woman. And I am so incredibly proud of who I have become. 

This morning I glanced over to where the stack of journals used to be. Empty space.

Nothingness. And a smile crossed my face. I am freed from my past. And I am ready to fully step into my future. 

Sister, this is an invitation to spend some time reflecting on your past. Even though the full moon was yesterday, we’ll be in its energy for the next couple of days. This is the opportune time of the month to shine a light on that which you’re having a hard time letting go. 

Sending you love & light from the shadows,

xo, Em

 

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